Circa August 2011. Temperature: 90+ degrees.

I just allowed a thug look-a-like (white tee, cocked-hat, multiple chain necklaces,loose jeans belted at mid-thigh) to lead me into a small room, take off my shoes, and touch my bare feet while I try (in vain) to relax on a medical-grade table covered in a Mexican blanket. What the heck am I doing? I mentally panic as the thug closes his eyes, places his hands an inch above my now-bare feet and proceeds to channel healing energy into my foot chakra. I’d cross the street to avoid this guy in broad daylight.** Under what circumstances would I allow this to happen?

The circumstance is the spiritual forum at the First Christian Spiritualist Temple, and I am sweating bullets. Is it because I actually feel heat radiating from Mr. Fro-Bro’s hands or because this historic church building lacks air conditioning?

I’m about to grab my sandals and bolt until I notice an angelic, white-haired oldster rise from a seat in the corner. She hobbles over, lifts her hands over my forehead, and begins channeling energy into my crown chakra. I relax. Nothing truly bad is going to happen to me in the presence of Psychic Grandma.

I’m in a church building, with a totally normal sanctuary and yet things are just….off.

Aside from the Reiki healing treatment I’m receiving in this little room off the sanctuary, psychic phenomena is taking place all around me. Twenty-five card tables line the church’s perimeter, each staffed with a medium, psychic or healer consulting with a supplicant wishing to know their future. There are crystals, tarot cards, hymnals and Bibles. There is a even a Bible with tarot cards on top of it. I think I have just entered an alternate spiritual country where divination and Jesus combine to create a haven for all things spiritually strange: one fortune-telling nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and communing with the dead for all.

Despite the familiar stained glass and paintings of Jesus holding lambs, the Christian Spiritualist God is one I do not recognize.The Trinity I grew up with frowns upon witchcraft, Ouija boards,alien-abductions and crystals of all kinds. But are these spiritualists actually practicing Christian-craft since they profess to be consulting the Holy Spirit and practicing the gift of prophecy? Hmmm…

Post-reiki healing, I make the psychic table rounds. There are a few total wackos, like the lady who sees me as a queen rat standing on its hind legs holding a spear and dancing to the sounds of rock-n-roll. She interprets this to mean I should stand up for myself and have more fun. (There are a great many things I need improve in my life, but standing up for myself? Not one of them. I’ve already got great standing-up skillz. And nun-chuck skillz, if my nun-chucks are defined as standing-up-for-myself profanity.)

However, there are a few mediums who are right on– including Pastor Carol. She tells me I just got a pet (yes, puppy Oxley) which makes me look to see if I am covered in fur. (I’m not.) She informs me I am on a spiritual journey to enlighten many. (I hope.) She channels my long-dead grandfather who encourages me to, “Persevere!”. Which, according to my mother, is something he said. I ask another woman –she of the Bulging Eye and plaid shirt–, “What about my writing career?” to which she replies, “I’m getting the number thirty regarding your writing.” Ummm, my book is entitled Thirty by Thirty so, yeah, my jaw drops open on that one.

I took a few lessons away from this experience:

A.) The term “Christian” is more pluralistic than I thought. That is, you really need to ask a person what they mean when they ask, “Are you a Christian?”

B.) Avoid psychics that do not have a table on the perimeter (aka: rat lady).

C.) It may be best to avoid psychics and energy readers altogether. More about this in my next post.

If you too would like to experience the strangeness of the First Christian Spiritualist Temple, you can do so at their Saturday spiritual forum on the first Saturday of every month. For the bargain price of $15 (with coupon), you can obtain hours of Christian-psychic fun with multiple readings, healing, and a light vegetarian lunch. http://www.christianspiritualisttemple.org/index.html
Truthfully though, I do not recommend it based on what happened to me after I got home; it was not good. More to come on that…

**FYI: I would cross the street to avoid a man of any race dressed like this.